In a society where applause is given from family and friends as we rush to the altar, we have lost sight that the race we are running goes beyond the wedding day. Marriage goes further than the wedding planning and the engagement festivities; marriage is a test of faith and enduring commitment.
It isn’t about the speed we go. At the end of the day, Marriage is designed as a marathon.
God wants to instruct and teach us what marriage looks like before we begin to idolize and lose sight of the purpose.
5 Lessons about The Design of Marriage
- Marriage is a Covenant
The moment that you say, “I do”, the covenant is between God, your spouse, and yourself. According to Oxford dictionary, a covenant is “an agreement which brings about a relationship of commitment between God and his people.”
It goes beyond loving your spouse during optimal conditions, but rather, it shows a type of commitment that you will honor him/her through tests and trials. It is a commitment to move forward together, rather than retreating when it gets hard or uncomfortable.
- Marriage Becomes Priority
After your relationship with God, marriage needs to be the most important relationship in your life. In Genesis 2:24, we read “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
To become one flesh means that in marriage, husband and wife will become one. That doesn’t happen if the marriage isn’t honored and prioritized.
When a man kneels to propose, he is saying, “I choose you to be the most important priority of my life and to be the primary focus of my life, with the exception of my personal relationship with Jesus.” 2
So why is marriage a priority?
It is joined by God.
“Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 4:9 NKJV)
- Marriage is Selflessly Serving
Marriage will not be about how your spouse can serve you, but rather how can you serve your spouse. Decisions won’t be guided by all that you want as an individual. Rather, how can you lovingly care and serve your spouse?
Timothy and Kathy Keller, in their book, The Meaning of Marriage state, “But when the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone. …How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are you willing to invest in this person”? 1
As Christians, we are ultimately taught the importance of serving with Jesus as our example.
Jesus, despite being the son of God, took on the posture of a household servant to wash his disciples’ feet. Selflessly serving allows you to take on a posture of humility to meet the needs of your spouse.
He tells his disciples, “14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (John 13:14-15)
- Marriage Reveals the Truth about You
A revealing act, marriage is like a mirror. It reveals and reflects the truth about yourself. Living in close proximity to you every day, your spouse becomes your mirror witnessing the good and the bad.
Marriage reveals your sinful nature, whether it be your pride or selfishness.However, the good news is, your spouse may reveal these problem areas, but is instructed to tell you in love.
“What happens if we see the mission of marriage to teach us about our sins in unique and profound ways and to grow us out of them through providing someone who speaks the truth in love to us? ” 1
- Marriage is Designed to Make You Holy
God uses marriage to sanctify, or in other words to make us holy. Ultimately, His purpose for each one of us is that we be transformed to reflect Christ. (2 Corinthians 3:18)
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
In this passage, husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church (sacrificially) and to cleanse them by washing them with the word for the purpose that she might be holy.
“Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of each mate through the Word, the gospel. Each spouse then should give him- or herself to be a vehicle for that work and envision the day that you will stand together before God, seeing each other presented in spotless beauty and glory. “ 1
Sources
- Keller, Timothy, and Kathy Keller. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. Penguin Books, 2016.
- Evans, Jimmy. “Four Laws of Love.” 2020.
Graceful Strides 